No one should have to fear losing a partner over their disorder, but it’s important to try and meet your partner in the middle. Maintain an open dialogue about how your brain works and pay attention to your triggers. One of the biggest patterns people with ADHD tend to experience with new relationships is an unexpected loss of interest. We all know the phenomenon of the honeymoon period, where everything feels like bliss before we settle into a routine, but for people with ADHD the end of this period can feel a lot more intense. This realization is both enlightening and discouraging. While it’s nice to have a diagnosis, you’re suddenly left wondering if anyone will ever truly love a neurodivergent weirdo like you.

The Effects of Adult ADHD on Relationships

I used to think it wasn’t a big deal, but it literally destroys lives. It’s not just simply an impulsive/inattentive disorder. Emotional dysregulation and impairment in information processing are also quite common. I would have you look up Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it’s a very common symptom in ADHD sufferers.

They might struggle with addiction.

The result is that fewer men with ADHD see their anger and rage as a problem. In fact, a good number of men use their rage as a legitimate way to get a partner to back off, and blame their partner for their outbursts. One man told his wife, “You started this argument, so I snapped at you. ” Another refused to admit he was angry when he was yelling and calling his partner names.

I will often come over to him having very angry bursts and he’ll start punching and breaking items laying around. I don’t see why he has to get so angry at everything i.e. his phone acting up, the shoe he tripped over, or towels on the floor. He is constant calling random objects bitches or whores just out of pure frustration. Several times a week I’ll come over to see him and his room is an absolute wreck and he hasn’t done laundry in a whole month. I take the innative to clean up his clothes and the numerous food plates that are laying around the room, from the previous week. I clean up after him because what takes me 7 minutes to do, it takes him 45, I also can’t risk him getting so frustrated and being pissed for the rest of the day becuse of something so small.

I often describe why I do things a certain way to my partner because I want him to understand me, but you can initiate this as well. This may not sound like as much fun as hooking up and hanging out, but dating is practice for longer-term relationships. What you try out now — positive, negative, successful, and failed — will become part of your overall dating style. The more organized your approach, the happier you’ll be with the outcome. Relationship maturity is an extended journey for those with ADHD.

It’s like he wants to talk to me now, whereas before he would shut down. He’s always been a good father but now he just seems happier and I think our kids have noticed. There are a few explosive anger moments but instead of every day several times a day, it maybe happens once a week. I hope he remains on this medication permanently. For example, if he is really stressed at work these feelings will consume his thoughts which will distract him for everything else, me, his family and friends. He is really bad at communicating his emotions until we are midst argument and it just all comes out.

Distraction may be a result of not only ADHD, but anxiety and depression. The two often accompany ADHD in women, according to Nadeau. Psychiatrists may diagnose anxiety and depression but initially miss ADHD. Issues in the bedroom could be caused by a combination of these.

Focus on the Positives of Your Relationship

This could mean doing drugs or having lots of sex or jumping out of airplanes. This is especially difficult if your partner has never been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, or neither of you even realize it might be a factor in your relationship. Your relationship is important to you, and ADHD can make it seem like it’s not as relevant to your partner. You may struggle to work through simple issues, and the symptoms of ADHD can be wide and varying. If you’re in the “dating around” phase, it might not be a bad idea to leave notes about people in your phone on their contact pages so you can remember specific things. Even without talking about your diagnosis, you can communicate about specific issues.

“It’s often not that the person with ADHD doesn’t care, but it’s just very difficult for them to sustain attention — it’s like pulling a muscle to keep listening,” Ramsay says. ADHD can make things difficult for all people in the relationship, but understanding how symptoms affect the relationship can help. Sometimes simply learning a tip or two is enough to change the way you manage time; other times, additional guidance and support will be needed. ADHD relationships can suck the joy out of life.

The visual reminder helps me to actually think about doing the tasks, and seeing Tara’s chores on there too helps me not to feel like a little kid who needs a chart. Before I was confident in my diagnosis and actively sought help with it, I know that Tara struggled with how much I struggled with doing chores. By nature, she would describe herself as more “type A” and thrives when her environment is clean and organized. By comparison, I don’t even notice clutter and mess because I tend to only see one task at a time instead of the greater picture. It could have easily had nothing to do with your adhd. (If I had to guess, it didn’t because he has it too, so I’m not sure that would even make sense?) Drew Barrymore talks about being ghosted.

Such stressors put pressure on relationships. ADHD doesn’t have to cause problems in your life forever — and it’s completely possible for a couple where only one person has ADHD to have a happy, lasting relationship together. “These relationships can be successful, you just have to figure out how to work together and support each other — and in the end, that can actually strengthen the relationship,” Ramsay says. Sometimes partners might develop a parent-child dynamic to cope with symptoms, which can be problematic. “The memory difficulties can play out with possessions — so people with ADHD might leave things out and to act as visual reminders,” Ramsay says. This is why people with ADHD often say “it looks messy but I know exactly where everything is,” Ramsay explains.

He was the perfect boyfriend for about 4 months, we were so in love (I’m still in love) then started to withdraw. On my part, I have attachment issues, probably co-dependency, which may have caused him to withdraw. He is still very sweet when we do see each other but he doesn’t have a libido anymore. He also smokes weed, maybe to medicate because he has zero tolerance to stressful situations.